Monday, February 6, 2017

It's Been A While

I've often noticed that my blog post frequency is correlated with my mental health; if that is indeed the case then evidently my mental health has been faring quite poorly in the last month. Blogging gives me space to deliberately reflect on my thoughts and state of life, and when I don't have time for it I tend to get lost in the negative details and lose track of the big picture. I think this post may end up with a number of disjointed thoughts, but unfortunately it's all I can muster.

The main issue has been a lot of anxieties related to friends that have piled up into emotional baggage (friend, if you are reading this, I do not consider you emotional baggage, but the conflicts between us have been unavoidably on my mind) and I'm tired from dragging the weight of it around with me all the time. I've resolved to put it behind me and trust in the strength of my friendships. At the same time I need to put a leash on my feelings so I don't impulsively lash out. Just because it's important for me to have feelings does not mean that I'm not accountable for how my expression of my feelings hurts others' feelings.

Of course, there have been other factors, such as the start of the semester and getting into classes. It seems that I can put my anxieties there to rest, as I've gotten in to all of the classes I wanted. On the flip side, that means there's a lot of catching up to do, as I have three weeks of readings for a class that I did not buy the reader for. I didn't want to buy it and not get into the class, but now that I'm officially on the roster, I have nothing to worry about.

Once I'm caught up with all the old stuff and staying on top of the new stuff, I also have to put the pedal on the metal in regards to internships. I am still optimistic that this will be as good of a semester as I had hoped it will be. Meal prep has been going well, I have as much time as I need for readings, and clubs will all be set into my schedule in the next week or so.

I know that everything will be okay. It's just a matter of time for me to clear out all of the old stuff and accommodate the new. In a moment of panic I said to a friend, "I want to reset my life and start this year over," but after writing about it and reflecting, it's not so bad after all. I'm thinking a trip to Lush is needed in the very near future to refresh my mind and soul. There's nothing right now a face mask can't fix. ◊

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