Monday, April 6, 2015

Crunch Time

There it is again, that mental block. Everything is happening quickly again – college, speech, school, friends – and I'm getting left behind. Stuck in a ditch. Wanting, needing to do everything, but unable to do a single thing because the very things that I need to do are holding me back. I am a person who gets overwhelmed easily, that I can't deny, but how did I ever become a person who is paralyzed by the anxiety of my own fault?

No one ever said this would be easy. I am about to make the biggest decision of my life so far, something that directly affects not only my next four years, but so many things that are to come. There are so many factors to consider, and it's going to take time I don't have. I still have to keep up with bio for the AP test coming soon, and stats for the finals after break, and speech for the tournament during break, but all I want to do is cry because I think I should be strong enough to handle it all, but I'm not handling it, and the suffocating pressure of perfectionism would rather force me to not do anything at all than to do it imperfectly.

This is all I'm capable of writing for now. I can barely even begin to sort through my thoughts. More to follow soon in another post.

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