Thursday, March 5, 2015

Weary Life Update

Two weeks and I'm still sick. The blisters on my throat are back and seem to be worse than ever, but I'm actually having an easier time dealing with it. Maybe I'm used to it, maybe it just doesn't hurt as much in the first place. I should see the doctor, especially as it's been so long, but I have an appointment in about five days anyway so I might as well just wait it out. It's definitely not life threatening or anything.

There's been so much going on recently and it's just a lot to process. I've been feeling sad again lately for some reason, but it's been up and down, with the ups and downs moving faster and faster like an oscillating line getting smaller and smaller. I have a capricious temperament and a lot of the time I just drift through life, oblivious, until my thoughts collect enough to come to a conclusion about my situation, and then I dwell on it until I become morose and poetic. Edgar Allen Poe? More like Edgar Allen NO.

I've been so anxious that I've been trying to plan a visit to the school counselor for a while now, but I always end up being busy on Thursday when I'm planning to see her. I'll have to check in tomorrow to see when she's in again. In an attempt to get back on track and stay focused, I've tried quitting Tumblr again, but instead, I've been on Netflix. I bingewatched an entire season of Young Justice before Squals, and now I'm watching Orange Is The New Black. Agents of SHIELD is also back, but it's not on Netflix, so I'll probably just watch it a week late. It's such a good show and the newest episode was amazing.

Onto the good news, things have been looking up in speech and life. I qualified to the State Tournament last Sunday at Squals when I placed seventh in expos. I just barely qualified, but I did! I did it! It finally feels like all these years are paying off, and finally, finally I have reached the level of accomplishment that I set as my goal. It's such a wonderful feeling of satisfaction, and I almost cried after I got my award. I've broken at every tournament I've gone to this semester, and hopefully that keeps up further.

Today I also checked my email and saw something from UC Irvine beginning with "Dear Honors Student." I was petrified because I thought decisions didn't come out until March 31 and maybe this was just one of those mistakes where they send out wrong emails early to students, but I checked the portal and I was admitted to UC Irvine! I'm going somewhere for college! I actually did cry for this. Realistically I shouldn't be so worried but it's still a welcome relief, because I know for sure that I will be going somewhere after high school. Now I'm just waiting on the rest of them, but it takes off a lot of pressure knowing there's a decent backup in my pocket.

Back to the present, in which I have a math test tomorrow that I'm procrastinating for by writing this. It's that perfectionist nature again, because I've been sick and absent for so many days this chapter that I feel like I can't do well enough on the test, so why try at all? It's a slow and arduous process, trying to get myself to do things. I stayed up until 1AM yesterday trying to get two homework assignments done in order to prepare for the test. I still have one and a half more to go. I was actually supposed to take it today in tutorial, but I was saved by a Code Red drill, so I'm taking it tomorrow during tutorial and lunch. After school I have another coaching for expos, and then it's the weekend. Almost there!

So much has been going on, both positive and negative, that I just need a break to process it all. Luckily, for the first time in a long time, I don't have anything planned for this weekend except for an orthodontist appointment, so I'll be able to relax a bit. The rest of this month is actually looking quite quiet on the weekends, which I will definitely take advantage of. I'd like nothing more than to sleep for eighteen hours straight. But for now, back to work. ◊

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