Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Trouble Trouble

I think it's been a while since I've ranted on here, and to be honest, I'd prefer if it'd stay that way, but trouble is always bound to pop up one way or another. There are high points in life and low points in life, and I've been riding a high wave for most of February, so to be honest, I'm not even really surprised that I've been thrown off. But it's still annoying.

I know it's probably easier to write and easier to follow a chronological model, but I feel like doing a stream of consciousness type thing, so let's see how well this works out (it's probably not going to work out). First, this morning. I woke up at 6:00am feeling pretty good, despite my room being a mess and I being absolutely not ready for school. Why am I not ready for school? Because I've been sick. Since Thursday. Of Break. Some weird throat virus gave me blisters on the back of my throat, so I had a really hard time eating or drinking anything, so I'm also severely dehydrated (luckily not starving, because I'm sick and don't have much appetite). So yea, I spent about half of my break sick. I don't know how I got sick, or why I got sick, it was all very sudden. And because there was a speech tournament the weekend before (I posted on Berkeley about two posts down) half of my things were still misplaced, including my earbuds, so I spent all of break without them, and let me tell you, that was one of the most frustrating things ever.

Being sick on Thursday, I probably could have gone to the doctor's to get it looked at, but through my own internet sleuthing skills, I figured that it was most likely a clinically diagnosed throat virus, which meant that it didn't have a cure, and would probably wear off for good in three days to a week, with proper care. So I cancelled my Friday coaching in hopes of getting enough rest so I can go to the satellite tournament on Sunday. Thursday finishes, Friday comes and goes, Saturday comes and goes, and uh-oh, I still sound like a strangulated seagull. So I call Mrs. Brasher and drop the tournament. There was no way I could go and do well in that condition. Unfortunately, this was the last chance to get a wildcard, and if I had been otherwise healthy, there is a good chance I would have earned mine there. That would have given me an excuse to finish my State Script a little later, because I've been so stressed out about tournaments every weekend and homework and college stuff that I thought that would have been okay. So now that plan was screwed too. I'm still too sick to go to school on Monday, so I stay home. But Mrs. Brasher still wanted me to go the state qualifying tournament, so I still have to turn mine in. I work on it on Monday, and on Tuesday I go to school at lunch to turn it in. Mrs. Brasher has to drive it all the way up to Mitty to have the league chair sign it. In all the rush and confusion I forget that it's her birthday. I get home and realize this, and I feel horrible because because of me, she has to go out of her way and spend time driving to Mitty to get something turned in that I should have done a month ago. Now I feel horrible emotionally too, but I have to remember not to make it about me, and now I really feel like a whiny brat.

As a result of feeling like a whiny brat, I decide to wallow in self pity instead of doing anything productive. My room is a mountain of clothes and miscellaneous things, and even though I've done nothing when I was sick other than lie around groaning of my own misfortune, my room is somehow a mess. Rather than clean it up, I did do something productive (filling out the FAFSA) and then I went to sleep.

Which brings me back to this morning. The morning schedule is built around my little sister's school schedule, which doesn't start until 8:15am I believe, so she wakes up at 7:20am and doesn't fret about getting to school until 7:50am, which means I am completely late, because my school starts at 7:55am. As an almost-adult, I try to be responsible and wake up early, but it's hard, and yea I know that in the real world you have to get to work on time even if you're a little sick but cut me some slack because apparently I'm not 18 yet it's not the real world, so I still have a couple of months to whine about things. So yea, I wake up at 6:00am, somehow snooze until 7:20 as well because I'm tired and grumpy, and get to school late because I don't know where all my clothes and things are. I'm still not quite sure what's in my backpack right now, because I just grabbed my best approximation of what I needed and headed out.

So I'm already late, and I'm trying my best to get to school on time, but that puts strain on my lungs and I'm coughing my head off. I obviously can't go to class in this condition, so I try Mrs. Rap's room to see if she has tissues and a place where I can decompress for about five minutes, but she has prep and isn't in. Then I go check the office to see if I can talk to Ms. Gutierrez for a bit because she always helps me calm down, but then I find out that she doesn't work there anymore? The other office aids ask me what I'm looking for, and I don't know, so I just ask if the library is open, but obviously I sound sick, so they send me to the health office (good move office people). In the health office, at least I get a quiet place to sit down, and the nurse reminds me to drink water and gives me tissues and Vaseline because my nose is chapped. She's not necessarily warm and friendly, but I do appreciate her a great deal. Afterwards, she sends me back to class with a health pass, which means, yay, I won't be marked tardy. Mrs. Paulazzo is also super nice and accommodating, so she let's me hang out in the library while everyone else takes the test, because I'm obviously not ready for the test, being sick and all and having not studied. So I go to the library and the librarian is super scary and asks me, "And why are you here," but she's actually nice after I explain it she just has a scary voice but I still can't get over that.

I sit in the library for a bit trying to get my head straight and I look up all the homework I missed and everything is good. Then I go to the bathroom and that's when the final straw hit. Ahhh Mother Nature Monthly. That does it for me, and I do the best I can to clean up, and then go back to the library to sit down fuming because I didn't bring supplies, and that's when I really wanted to talk to someone to decompress, but I don't even like dealing with my problems so why should anyone else? So I start typing, and now I'm here in Mrs. Rap's room for tutorial to do nothing but absolutely rant my heart out and let me tell you it does feel good.

In conclusion, here are all the things I've faced in the last two weeks that have absolutely pissed me off: lost my earbuds, tournaments, got sick, missed a tournament, missed Mrs. Brasher's birthday, still sick, got my period, is severely dehydrated (have I mentioned that I've been getting nosebleeds?) and yea, I think that's about everything. This is by far the longest rant I've done, and at the start of it, I thought it'd be pretty brief. I was looking for an image to represent my emotions right now, but not even Grumpy Cat will do it. Grumpy Cat is pissed off at the world. I am pain and rage and annoyance and fury. That felt good to say. There is the "rage face" meme but honestly that one is so ugly. Here's an angry Norwegian Forest Cat for you. And yes, that is the "That's right twas I who set the house ablaze" cat. Isn't it wonderful?

I'm probably going to regret this when I look back on it a couple months from now, but you know what, it was quite satisfying at the time. If there's no one to talk to, just rant to a computer. No one gets hurt, I get to vent, and it's all good. ◊

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