Monday, December 22, 2014

I Don't Know What I'm Feeling

I don't know what's going on right now.

Everything feels so confusing. Feels like impending doom.

Normally that's what I would use to describe a panic attack, but it's all the time now.

Sometimes I just get so disillusioned with everything and start wondering what's the real point of it all.

That's generally not good.

I'm so so so so so so tired. I'm tired of college apps. I'm tired of trying to maintain friendships. The rewards are great and all but they take so much effort, and I don't have the energy for everything right now. I'm just so exhausted of doing nothing. Nothing's happening. That's the key. I feel like I'm putting in so much effort and I'm not getting anything out of it.

Again and again, this blog proves to be the place where I can think. I come in here, feeling so worried and confused and frightened and sad and I spill it out onto the screen.

Journals don't quite work for me anymore. Writing takes too much effort too. I wish it didn't. I'm so tired.

Once I work it out, I feel so much better. I'm exhausted of putting in effort and not having results. I wish I could sleep for a while, sleep for a month or two, a few years maybe, until I know what the results are. What is the point of all of this. What should I do about it.

I wish someone could just make it all okay. I wish I could just disappear and have someone else take over my life for a little bit. I don't know.

Here's a Tumblr quote. I like it a lot, but it's not making me feel better like I thought it would. I wish I could just be content with my life. But I'm not. And I don't know what would make it better. ◊

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